Love Yourself Whole

Spirit message of the day, "A healthy relationship is when two people come together as 'whole' beings and share their love, never taking or needing anything from the other. By giving yourself everything you need to be happy, (emotionally, physically, spiritually) you will automatically attract your dream partnership."

I never knew what a 'healthy' relationship really was until I was 33 yrs. old. I was used to the roller coaster ride of emotional highs and lows. This repetitive cycle consisted largely of fighting and then making up.

My relationships were packed FULL of all kinds of crazy: abuse, jealousy, cheating, alcohol, unpredictability...you name it! And, I fed off of this energy big time.

Somehow, someway, though, after years of working on loving myself through Shamanic healing/meditation, I met Eric. Eric was a calm, gentle Soul. He had no idea about the tornado that WAS my life! 

In the first few months, I made up every excuse in the book to run from his peaceful ways. I drove him crazy with my insecurities, temper, intensity and automatic mistrust. I was 'used' to attracting chaotic and dangerous energies. It was almost 'comforting'. After all, I had done it perfectly for 20 years- ever since I was in middle school. 

But, Eric was not one of these 'crazy' energies. He was like the calm before and AFTER the storm.

Thing is, I liked the thunder storm that raged inside. I was addicted to it. My insides felt like they were constantly raining, covered with dark clouds and oozing with pain. 

Yes, you guessed it, something DID happen to me that stripped me of my self-worth long before I ever met any of my boyfriends. I had been abused sexually when I was very young. Because of these traumas, I spent YEARS punishing myself with cruel and unfaithful boys/men. 

I 'expected' the worst, so I GOT the worst! 

I manifested relationships that carried the same vibrational energy that I carried deep inside of me. This energy was full of anger, hate, betrayal, lies, and incredible anguish. 

No, I hadn't made 'peace' with the little girl inside of me until a little over a year before I met Eric. Heck, I wanted NOTHING to do with her, let alone love and heal her wounds!

So, the cycle repeated itself over and over. I kept ordering up the same, abusive guy from the Universe every single darn time. 

I allowed my dominant thoughts about myself...which were ANYTHING but nice to control my entire life. I lived my past. I brought it eagerly into every fresh, new partnership. I either pushed away the 'nice' new guy or drove him crazy until he 'left me'. And, then I would feel abandoned and damaged all over again.

I fulfilled my self-fulfilling prophecy! Boy, was I powerful! By focusing on what I 'didn't want in a relationship, I created more of EXACTLY what I didn't want! 

Until.I.Met.Eric. How he even came into my realm of existence is still a mystery. But, he did. And, he never left. 

I had been working for 15 years on healing myself through Shamanic healing energy techniques and slowly, but surely, I began to heal myself and that inner storm began to dissipate. 

My energy connected with peace and laughter more often- more consistently. What was this new 'normal' feeling? Where was the chaos that was my life for so many years? When was a new crisis going to strike again and destroy it all?

Eventually, I stopped asking these questions and started focusing on all of the GOOD that was IN my current life. I finally allowed IN all of the love that I had rejected since I was 5 1/2 years old. 

I truly began to love myself. 

And, THIS, is when I became 'whole'. 

It didn't happen overnight. It was like a soft, tickling breeze after a summer rain storm. 

I BECAME the calm, loving and gentle energy. 

Healing one emotion and memory at a time, I transmuted my rage into love. This is what 'attracted' Eric's peaceful Soul. 

Loving someone when you feel happy and 'whole' is a love like none other. 

When we can spill over with our own self-love, we have so much MORE to share with one another person. 

Take the time to heal yourself so that you can join together with someone that truly deserves you!

My wish for you today, is that you love yourself 'whole'.