Spirit Story of the Month, "5 Ways to Let Go of Hurtful People."
"Isn't it ironic that people accuse us of what they are guilty of themselves? And, no matter what evidence they are offered to the contrary, they blindly hold onto blaming others?"
This Spring and Summer has been one of intense triggers, unexpected pain, working through a huge wedge in my marriage, and finally, acceptance that has lead into deep compassion and forgiveness.
I have worked on healing myself for over 25 years now, so I thought I was in a place of peace. Holy heck, was I wrong!
Ha! I forgot that I lived in a human world with a human body and a human mind.
With my Shamanic training, I was actually getting pretty darn good at staying calm when I was met with anger and criticism...or so I thought.
But, when my own trauma was thrown in my face privately by an in law, and then publicly on Facebook to thousands of people by an ex, all hell broke loose inside of me.
I felt ripped to shreds and frozen in a pit of darkness.
The animosity that these two people carried for me was SHOCKING and caused me to question my own self-worth as a wife, a mother and as a person.
This was not OK.
Funny thing is, I felt hopeful and positive about these two relationships. I 'thought' we had healed our pasts and moved forward into a wonderful space.
This feeling was clearly not reciprocated.
For being a Shaman that can 'see', 'feel' and 'hear' messages from Spirit for my clients, I surely did not see this coming!
Fortunately, years of healing meditation has taught me two things: 1. that we all have very different life experiences which contributes to how we view, and understand, things. 2. our perceptions directly influence our personal realities.
So, how can the realities that we construct ever be 100% right or wrong if we all come from a different place?
Is anyone ever absolutely right about what they believe...or absolutely wrong?
Including me? Oy vey.
Did I need to 'accept' that some people just won't like me no matter what I do? Or understand that I never was the person they made me out to be?
Yes.
Only our ego wants to fight this.
Our ego wants to protect us.
Our ego invites us to put up our dukes and fight.
Our ego will stop at nothing to prove our worth, validity and WHY we are right.
Our ego tends to be a magnet for all the combative and malicious energy in this world.
Our ego can even trick us into making our perceived truths true no matter who it hurts.
This can be quite dangerous.
If our ego's love to defend us so much, how can we stay calm in the face of conflict? How do we not lash out when we know that we are not guilty of what someone has accused us of? When we know that our intentions have always been good?
Practice five things: Disengage, Understand, Accept, Protect, Know Your Worth. (see below).
But first, and foremost, have COMPASSION for those that have hurt you.
Learning that you hurt someone, that didn't deserve it, is truly devastating.
Discovering you are REALLY wrong about someone, or something, is scary.
Stepping into a different reality than all you've ever known is scary.
Imagine if your perceptions have not been accurate all along about this person, or that situation?
What does that say about you? Would it be hard to live with yourself?
Yes.
Holy shit...your whole world might fall apart.
Would you have to take some responsibility for the blame?
Yes.
Would you have to accept the ugliness inside of yourself that thought all those bad things about them in the first place?
Yes.
It's far easier to hold onto a stubborn belief about someone/something that matches the way you have ALWAYS thought than to accept there just might be another side of the story.
"If you are unwilling to bend, you will always stay stuck."
Shifting, changing, taking responsibility and GROWING is not for the weak-minded...or faint of heart.
It is for the fearless. Why?
It is so fucking uncomfortable.
It is so humbling.
It is simply terrifying to change our own minds.
Most people would rather sit in a fog of untruths than see what is actually there when the mist clears.
What would it say about you if you held on to rage for someone else for 10 years? 20 years?
Unnecessarily?
"What if exactly what you were holding onto, for ALL of these years, was not even true? What if your truth was not the truth of the situation at all?"
Well, crap. That would be horrible!
Would that mean that your judgments and criticisms were just wasted energy?
Would that mean that you might actually have to sit down with our your own shit and look closely at the relationship you have with yourself...and with others?
Possibly, accept responsibility for all the pain you've caused another?
Yes, that would be a tough one to swallow.
Can you see how difficult it would be to accept that you were the cause of the pain for another?
This is why very few people take full responsibility for their energy/words/actions in this world.
THIS IS WHY we have to remain compassionate no matter WHO hurt us, or even how they hurt us.
At that time, they could do no better because they knew no better.
Don't harden your own heart because someone else was incapable of giving you kindness.
It takes tremendous courage to own up to any wrong doing you may have done to another.
Can you even imagine what hateful people see in the mirror every day?
We project who we are to the world.
The way we treat people tells us what we see when we look in a mirror.
If we see ugliness in our reflection, we tend to radiate ugliness.
If we see love, we radiate love.
How can you let go of people that hurt you?
How can you transmute hostility from others into a gift of wisdom and love for yourself?
Here are five ways:
1. Disengage. Disengage when you are feeling under attack by someone. Take a step back and don't respond. Do not react. Breathe...and go love yourself MORE than the need to argue. If you choose the fight, the fight will always engulf you in flames. Your mind, body and spirit will become drained of every last ounce of your energy. You will get sick. When we give away our power (energy) away, we can't maintain a high vibrational energy. When our energy is low, we attract LOW vibrational people and situations to us. And, believe me, you don't want that!
2. Understand. Understand that how someone treats you has NOTHING to do with you. It is coming from a place that only they have experienced. We cannot even begin to understand someone else's anger, fear and pain. It is theirs. All we can do is not engage with it. Not get reigned into their negative, emotional cloud of energy. We are guaranteed one thing if we allow ourselves to get pulled into their angry energy...we will ALWAYS get hurt. Remember, what you 'allow' is what continues.
3. Accept. Accept that nothing that you say or do will make someone see it YOUR way if that person has already decided their truth is the ONLY truth. Don't waste your breath on trying to change their mind. Don't deplete your energy because you need to 'get the last word in'. Accept that they are choosing their own suffering and that YOU don't have to. Accept that they feel this way, or that, about you. As long as you believe in you, nobody else's opinion should matter. They don't get to decide if you like yourself. You do. This is your life and you can live it any way you want. When we leave this human body and pass onto the Spirit world, will anything they say really matter? How you feel about yourself is all that matters.
4.
Protect. It doesn't matter WHO the person is that has treated you poorly, you have a right to protect yourself against cruelty, judgement and criticism. I have learned after 25 years of practicing Shamanic energy healing the importance of protection. Protecting ourselves from people that harm our energy fields (mind, body and soul) is critical to our well-being. Have zero tolerance for people that repeatedly put you down, roll their eyes, say hateful things, take their anger out on you and take NO responsibility for their own behaviors. You owe them nothing. Nothing. It is up to each one of us INDIVIDUALLY to create our best lives. Our health and our happiness depends on having zero tolerance for people that have no respect for who we are or our boundaries--even if it is a family member, ex lover, friend, boss, co-worker, etc. Never apologize for protecting your sacred energy.
And, MOST IMPORTANTLY...
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