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Monday, October 2, 2017
By Healing Ourselves, We Heal The World
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
Deboobed & Lovin' It
Author’s note: This is my story of plastic surgery which lead to BII. In no way am I encouraging or discouraging plastic surgery. Please seek medical attention if you are sick.
The important thing...Do you. Be you. Whatever that is!
The important thing...Do you. Be you. Whatever that is!
It's time. Am I embarrassed to share my story? Yes. Do I blame myself for my poor choices over a decade ago when I was in a dark, dark place? Hell yes. Do I blame the plastic surgeon? No. Am I against plastic surgery? No.
BUT, there is something you should know about a highly controversial topic that you may have seen circulating on social media or even in the local news.
What am I talking about?
Breast Implant Illness.
Is it real?
My story is MY answer...and I MUST share my truth. I can't keep silent one more second about something that is literally effecting THOUSANDS of women every day.
Ohhh, how it feels like a shameful little secret. The guilt I felt for making the decision to alter my body haunted me for years.
Thing is, many of us that decide to get plastic surgery are just desiring to feel better about ourselves. Should we punish ourselves for this?
The guilt, for me though, came from not being able to be the mother, partner, friend, or lover that I used to be before I got sick.
If I had known the quality of my life would dramatically decline because I got a boob job, I never would have made the decision to go under the knife.
Not only was I ashamed, I questioned my own sanity as I shared over FOUR pages of symptoms I suffered with dozens of doctors throughout my BII (Breast Implant Illness) experience.
I went to multiple surgeons, primary care physicians, autoimmune illness specialists, infectious disease doctors, gastroenterology doctors, neurologists, rheumatologists, urologists, cardiologists, ENT's, allergists, etc. etc. etc. etc. all to see if they could shed some light on WHY I felt like a 90 year old woman in a 40 year old body.
How many tests came back negative only for me to hobble out of the doctor's office in horrific pain, and severely out of breath, with my tail between our legs?
And, how many tests came back positive only to witness the stunned looks on the doctor's faces as they have no idea 'how' I could possibly have such a rare disease so young.
After all, I LOOKED so healthy, right?
Never did these highly trained medical professionals question the big balloons starring them right in the face when I handed them my long list of debilitating symptoms.
The FDA said implants were safe! Right? How could they be a source for so much pain and illness?
Those of us that have suffered Breast Implant Illness are the FIRST ones to ask if it is all in our heads.
Sarah "BEFORE" with 34DD's (saline, later silicone) in 2007
After getting deboobed one year ago, I can tell you one thing...and I want to shout it from the mountaintops, "I AM NOT CRAZY! And, YOU darling, are not CRAZY either! If you have breast implants, and suddenly developed unexplained illnesses, you are not alone."
I was told my new wrack would never hurt me. Never take away my dignity. Never steal my health and turn my once happy life upside down.
I was sick. So very sick. And, no one knew why.
Ironically, once I got my large jugs out, I got better.
ALL BETTER.
I mean 99.9% of my chronic illness symptoms were GONE.
Coincidence? I don't think so. And, neither do over 20,000 women on a Breast Implant Illness Facebook Page.
Again, if you got sick a day, a month, or even years after you had breast augmentation with either saline or silicone implants...you are NOT alone. You may be suffering from Breast Implant Illness.
I say, 'may', because sometimes the only way to know is if you remove your implants and magically get better as I did. A lot of women get implants and NEVER get sick.
This was not the case for me.
I don't blame the doctors. I don't blame anyone.
The fact is, the poisonous bags suffocating my chest, were MY choice. And, the idea that they can make you sick is certainly not advertised in the medical community.
If anything, getting sick from implants is believed to be the very last thing that can make women sick.
All I know is this...one day I woke up and could no longer walk down the hallway without holding onto the walls.
It would take me a full ten minutes, falling to the ground several times to put my head between my knees, just to make it downstairs to my kitchen.
My entire body hurt. I was out of breath ALL THE TIME. I couldn't even walk around the block without dry heaving or practically fainting on the sidewalk.
No amount of coffee could cure my fatigue. I felt like I was dying.
Sarah with oxygen in 2015
I was 43yrs old.
I had been sick for over a decade.
It wasn't until every organ in my body was compromised that I found out why.
Flashback to 2003, when I got saline implants in a desperate attempt to feel more secure with my body. I was a single Mom and had always been self-conscious of my tiny chest.
Seven hours after my first breast augmentation surgery, I was rushed back into the operating room.
Apparently, I had developed a hematoma the size of a baseball next to my heart.
I should have recognized this botched surgery as a dark omen. I was told by the anesthesiologist that I 'could have died' when I woke up. But, boy oh boy, back then nothing would stop me from having big boobs!
In 2004, my left saline implant ruptured and I had them both replaced with LARGER ones. Yeah, I know. I know...
In 2008, I replaced my 440cc saline implants with 340cc silicone because I was bottoming out and had recently married a man that loved me for me...not my huge chest.
In 2010, I remember feeling a cold, leaking sensation. I sensed something was wrong, so I went to a surgeon to ask about getting my implants removed. She said I would be 'deformed' and 'sunken in' so she advised against it.
I left that office feeling stuck. I wasn't ready to look deformed yet so I kept the toxic, chemical balls inside of me for 6 more years. SIX MORE AGONIZING YEARS.
Oh, how I wished I had just trusted my intuition instead of the 'belief' of one doctor.
In 2011, I went to a deep tissue massage and was literally sick for the next 5 years. Little did I know that my left silicone implant had ruptured (possibly the year before) and had been leaking poisonous silicone into my organs, lymph and blood stream for YEARS.
During this time, I had 3 mammograms that squeezed out even more silicone---causing hard cyst-like lumps everywhere! I know this because I no longer have ANY lumps in my breasts now that the implants are gone.
Here are the diagnosis's and symptoms I had for 5-10 years:
-Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia
-Diagnosed with a Mast Cell Disorder in colon, bladder and stomach
-Symptoms of Relapsing Polychronditis
(Last 2 are VERY rare connective tissue and mast cell diseases)
-Chronic sore throats
-Woke up choking almost every night
-Chronic fatigue
-CHRONIC NAUSEA- imagine feeling like you want to puke for 10 years straight?
-Chronic inflamed lymph nodes (especially on side of left breast and armpit where silicone ruptured)
-Chronic flu-like symptoms
-Chronic POTS (have to constantly put my head between my knees whenever I stood up)
-Chronic joint/muscle pain
-Couldn't exercise or else I became bed ridden
-Chronic pain in both breasts and multiple lymph nodes
-Chronic breathing issues (Was on oxygen at night. Wondering if silicone spread to lungs as well)
-Chronic headaches/migraines
-Hair thinning
-Acne
-Allergies and rashes
-Bells Palsy- effecting left side of face
-EBV virus
-Memory fog (Look at object and can't recall it's name. Forget what I'm doing or where I am going)
-Gastroparesis (stomach doesn't empty properly)
-Massive digestive issues/inflammation
-Fatty pancreas AND liver (normal before implants)
-Abnormal EKG in 2012 (Found out I had a sudden Right Bundle Branch Block out of no where- I will ALWAYS have abnormal EKG's now)
-Extremely low blood pressure
-Interstitial cystitis
Fast forward to September 13, 2016. BEST.DAY.EVER.
Explant day.
I had a full capsulectomy and lift, in addition to explant, to ensure that all of the toxic tissue surrounding my implant pockets was removed. (This is important if you have BII)
I went from a 34DD to a 32C!
My breasts are not deformed. If anything, they are larger than before I got implants and oh so perky!
Ladies, the 'fluffing' process continues months and months after surgery. Don't worry!
I lost 8 pounds of inflammation and LOVE my new, old body. I am a former ballerina and my body remembered my healthy weight prior to my first augmentation.
I have no need for oxygen, don't experience any rare autoimmune disease symptoms, have no pain and no need for dozens of doctor's appointments.
If it wasn't for removal, I would not have gotten better.
Today, I work out 5 days a week. I dance, I meditate, I swim and I practice Yoga.
I am HEALTHY and living my BEST LIFE!
How could I heal practically overnight if my cause for illness was NOT the implants?
WAS it my implants? YES.
Is it ALWAYS the implants? No.
Sarah "AFTER" in December 2016
Best of all? My husband and family has the old me back. My implants had robbed me of many healthy years of my life. Today, I have reclaimed my power and am ready to take on the world!
Sarah and her husband in July 2017
Sarah with her supportive family in July 2017
Today, I am thankful for this journey. Without this experience, I would not have learned what it meant to TRULY love every inch of my body.
And, I have another life purpose now---to stand by others that are suffering BII.
Your pain is real and I believe you!
Word of advise? Forgive yourself.
Why we choose to change our external bodies is an indivdual choice. We all have our reasons. Hanging on to guilt will not help the healing process. It took me many months to fully heal from my surgery and to detox from all the chemicals.
Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to heal. It took me almost a full year.
From boob jobs to Buddha, I’m grateful for it all. <3
I wrote about WHY I got my breasts augmented if you are interested in the extended version of my journey, but that is a whole other story! Published in the Elephant Journey: My Journey to Enlightenment: From Boob Jobs to Buddha.
**To join an incredible support group for Breast Implant Illness with over twenty thousand members, CLICK HERE.
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
She Mother's The World
Spirit's story of the week, "She Mother's the world."
Last night, my daughter fell apart. She has traveled on and off all year and worked full time as a Nanny---never having a second for herself.
In the past few weeks, there has been a pause. A reprieve.
Time for her to 'feel' whatever she has not allowed herself to feel.
My daughter was VERY close to the last child that she Nanny'd for that recently moved to Kansas.
She would have dropped everything and moved for this family because she loved that little girl to pieces. She was invited to do this because the family loved HER to pieces as well.
Ultimately, she decided to stay in Colorado to be close to her family and continue living in her beloved apartment in Denver.
As she has been interviewing for new positions, none of them have felt right.
It's an energy thing for my daughter. She has to feel a good vibe, or all bets are off. She goes with her gut.
Going on interviews as a Nanny is like breaking up with the love of your life and then, having that uncomfortable first date.
The chances of that instant connection are rare.
That may sound silly to some...and it may sound silly that it is 'just' a Nanny job. But, to Madeline, she pours her entire Soul into helping to raise the children she cares for.
My daughter chose not to go to college. Instead, she is living her passion as a Nanny. And, her life is more abundant than most people I know.
Helping to raise a child is quite possibly the MOST important job in this world.
My daughter is not a normal, young woman. She responds to the world differently than most.
She is CONNECTED to her pure and loving Spirit.
She had 'Mother' energy as far back as I can remember.
She 'mothered' me. She 'mothered' her brother. She 'mothered' her stuffed animals.
She 'mothered' the world.
And, she is STILL 'mothering' all of us.
She is there for people even when they are not there for themselves.
Even when, they are not there for her.
She holds no grudges. No judgments. It is truly fucking amazing.
She is responsible, FUNNY AS HELL and SO gentle.
Last night, she cried hard.
HARD.
She told me she felt 'lost'. She told me she was so very lonely. She is full of fears.
Fearful of putting herself out their for a man, or even new friends, because she has been hurt so much in the past.
So, she felt it. She felt it ALL.
All the emotions she had so neatly tucked away in her chest in order to care for others.
She has this incredible insight and wisdom that is FAR BEYOND HER YEARS.
A way of looking IN at herself that most people don't grasp until their dying days.
We talked about how this moment is for her to be there for herself and to continue feeling her pain.
This time is supposed to be here right now...just FOR Madeline.
And, she is ALL IN.
She has never shied away from feeling her shit.
But, life got busy.
She was so busy hugging everyone else, that she forgot to hug herself.
By the time we got off the phone, she told me she is going to work on her Nanny adventures children's book. She told me she is going to take a walk in the sun today. And, that she will come to Yoga with Dad and I on Thursday.
This is HER time. And, she is allowing herself to have it.
How BRAVE she is.
Oh, and the LUCKY family that she will find will treasure and cherish her forever, just like her last families.
Just as I do.
You go, Mad. I love you. ~Mommaluvs
Monday, August 7, 2017
Published in Elephant Journal: 5 Ways to Let Go of Hurtful People
5 Ways to Let Go of Hurtful People.
on Aug 4, 2017
get elephant's newsletterIsn’t it ironic that people accuse us of what they are guilty of themselves?
No matter what evidence they are offered to the contrary, they blindly hold onto blaming others.
This spring and summer have been intense triggers, filled with unexpected pain, working through a huge wedge in my marriage, and finally, acceptance that has lead to deep compassion and forgiveness. I have worked on healing myself for over 25 years now, so I thought I was in a place of peace.
Holy heck, was I wrong!
I forgot that I lived in a human world with a human body and a human mind. With my shamanic training, I was actually getting pretty darn good at staying calm when I was met with anger and criticism…or so I thought.
When my own trauma was thrown in my face privately by an in-law (and then publicly on Facebook to thousands of people by an ex) all hell broke loose inside of me. Who I was as a person was ripped to shreds—I felt frozen in a pit of darkness.
The animosity that these two people carried for me was shocking and caused me to question my own self-worth as a wife, a mother, and a person.
This was not okay.
The funny thing is, I felt hopeful and positive about these two relationships. I “thought” we had healed our past and moved forward into a wonderful space.
This feeling was clearly not reciprocated.
Being a shaman, I can “see,” “feel,” and “hear” messages from Great Spirit for my clients, and I surely did not see this coming! Fortunately, years of healing and meditation has taught me two things:
1. We all have different life experiences, which contribute to how we view and understand things.
2. Our perceptions directly influence our personal realities.
So, how can the realities that we construct ever be 100 percent right or wrong if we all come from a different place? Is anyone ever absolutely right about what they believe—or absolutely wrong? Myself included—oy vey. Did I need to “accept” that some people just won’t like me no matter what I do? Or understand that I never was the person they made me out to be?
Yes.
Only our ego wants to fight this.
Our ego wants to protect us.
Our ego invites us to put up our dukes and fight.
Our ego will stop at nothing to prove our worth, validity, and why we are right.
Our ego tends to be a magnet for all the combative and malicious energy in this world.
Our ego can even trick us into making our perceived truths true, no matter who it hurts.
This can be quite dangerous. If our egos love to defend us so much, how can we stay calm in the face of conflict? How do we not lash out when we know that we are not guilty of what someone has accused us of? When we know that our intentions have always been good?
Practice five things: Disengage, understand, accept, protect, know your worth.
But first, and foremost, have compassion for those that have hurt you. Learning that you hurt someone is truly devastating. Discovering you are really wrong about someone, or something, is scary. Stepping into a different reality than you’ve known before is intimidating.
Imagine if your perceptions have not been accurate all along about this person or situation? What does that say about you? Would it be hard to live with yourself?
Yes—holy sh*t. Your whole world might fall apart.
Would you have to take some responsibility for the blame? Yes.
Would you have to accept the part of yourself that thought all those “bad” things in the first place? Yes.
It’s far easier to hold on to a stubborn belief about someone or something that matches the way you always thought than to accept there just might be another side of the story.
If you are unwilling to bend, you will always stay stuck.
Shifting, changing, taking responsibility, and growing is not for the weak-minded (or the faint of heart).
It is for the fearless. Why?
Because it is so f*cking uncomfortable. It is so humbling. It is simply terrifying to change our own minds.
Most people would rather sit in a fog of untruths than see what is actually there when the mist clears.
What would it say about you if you held on to rage for someone else for 10 years? 20 years? What if exactly what you were holding on to for all of these years was not even true? What if your truth was not the truth after all?
Well, crap, that would be horrible!
Would that mean that your judgments and criticisms were just wasted energy? Would that mean that you might actually have to sit down with our your own sh*t and look closely at the relationship you have with yourself (and with others)? That you might have to accept responsibility for all the pain you’ve caused another?
Can you see how difficult it would be to accept that you were the cause of the pain for another? This is why so few people take full responsibility for their energy, words, and actions in this world. This is why we have to remain compassionate—no matter who hurt us, or even how they do.
At the time, they couldn’t do better because they didn’t know better.
Don’t harden your own heart because someone else was incapable of giving you kindness.
That said, part of taking care of ourselves is determining which are the supportive relationships we want to keep in our lives.
So, how can you let go of people that hurt you? Here are five ways:
1. Disengage.
Disengage when you are feeling under attack by someone. Take a step back and don’t respond. Do not react. Breathe. If you fight, your mind, body, and spirit will become drained of your energy. You will get sick. When our energy is low, we attract low-vibration people and situations to us.
2. Understand.
Understand that how someone treats you has nothing to do with you. It comes from a place that only they have experienced. We cannot even begin to understand someone else’s anger, fear, and pain. All we can do is not engage with it—not get reined into their emotional cloud of energy. We are guaranteed one thing if we allow ourselves to get pulled into their angry energy—we will always get hurt.
3. Accept.
Accept that nothing you say or do will make someone see things your way. If that person has already decided their truth is the only truth. Don’t waste your breath trying to change their mind. Accept that they are choosing their own suffering and that you don’t have to. Accept that they feel a certain way about you. This is your life and you can live it any way you want. When we leave this human body and pass on, will anything they say really matter? How you feel about yourself is most important.
4. Protect.
It doesn’t matter who has treated you poorly, you have a right to protect yourself against cruelty, judgement, and criticism. After 25 years of practicing shamanic energy healing, I have learned the importance of protection. I have zero tolerance for people who repeatedly put others down, roll their eyes, say hateful things, take their anger out on others, or don’t take responsibility for their own behaviors. It is up to each one of us individually to create our best lives.
5. Know your worth.
You do not have to prove yourself to anyone. Ever. You do not have to fight for acceptance or love. If someone doesn’t like you, fine. This means you no longer have to spend your time or energy on this person. The greatest gift someone can give us is to show us who they are and how they feel about us, genuinely. We empower ourselves to walk away when someone offers us their disdain for who we are. When someone spews hate or blame, they tell us how they feel about themselves.
Try to have compassion for them, as well as yourself. Try to see that if someone doesn’t understand your intentions, your ideas, your thoughts, your actions, or your desires in this life, it’s okay. Knowing your worth is how you know when it’s truly time to walk away.
~
Author: Sarah Norwood
Image: Kaan Oruç/Unsplash
Editor: Danielle BeutellCopy Editor: Leah Sugerman
Social Editor: Sara Karpanan
Image: Kaan Oruç/Unsplash
Editor: Danielle BeutellCopy Editor: Leah Sugerman
Social Editor: Sara Karpanan
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