Author’s note: This is my story of plastic surgery which lead to BII. In no way am I encouraging or discouraging plastic surgery. Please seek medical attention if you are sick.
The important thing...Do you. Be you. Whatever that is!
The important thing...Do you. Be you. Whatever that is!
It's time. Am I embarrassed to share my story? Yes. Do I blame myself for my poor choices over a decade ago when I was in a dark, dark place? Hell yes. Do I blame the plastic surgeon? No. Am I against plastic surgery? No.
BUT, there is something you should know about a highly controversial topic that you may have seen circulating on social media or even in the local news.
What am I talking about?
Breast Implant Illness.
Is it real?
My story is MY answer...and I MUST share my truth. I can't keep silent one more second about something that is literally effecting THOUSANDS of women every day.
Ohhh, how it feels like a shameful little secret. The guilt I felt for making the decision to alter my body haunted me for years.
Thing is, many of us that decide to get plastic surgery are just desiring to feel better about ourselves. Should we punish ourselves for this?
The guilt, for me though, came from not being able to be the mother, partner, friend, or lover that I used to be before I got sick.
If I had known the quality of my life would dramatically decline because I got a boob job, I never would have made the decision to go under the knife.
Not only was I ashamed, I questioned my own sanity as I shared over FOUR pages of symptoms I suffered with dozens of doctors throughout my BII (Breast Implant Illness) experience.
I went to multiple surgeons, primary care physicians, autoimmune illness specialists, infectious disease doctors, gastroenterology doctors, neurologists, rheumatologists, urologists, cardiologists, ENT's, allergists, etc. etc. etc. etc. all to see if they could shed some light on WHY I felt like a 90 year old woman in a 40 year old body.
How many tests came back negative only for me to hobble out of the doctor's office in horrific pain, and severely out of breath, with my tail between our legs?
And, how many tests came back positive only to witness the stunned looks on the doctor's faces as they have no idea 'how' I could possibly have such a rare disease so young.
After all, I LOOKED so healthy, right?
Never did these highly trained medical professionals question the big balloons starring them right in the face when I handed them my long list of debilitating symptoms.
The FDA said implants were safe! Right? How could they be a source for so much pain and illness?
Those of us that have suffered Breast Implant Illness are the FIRST ones to ask if it is all in our heads.
Sarah "BEFORE" with 34DD's (saline, later silicone) in 2007
After getting deboobed one year ago, I can tell you one thing...and I want to shout it from the mountaintops, "I AM NOT CRAZY! And, YOU darling, are not CRAZY either! If you have breast implants, and suddenly developed unexplained illnesses, you are not alone."
I was told my new wrack would never hurt me. Never take away my dignity. Never steal my health and turn my once happy life upside down.
I was sick. So very sick. And, no one knew why.
Ironically, once I got my large jugs out, I got better.
ALL BETTER.
I mean 99.9% of my chronic illness symptoms were GONE.
Coincidence? I don't think so. And, neither do over 20,000 women on a Breast Implant Illness Facebook Page.
Again, if you got sick a day, a month, or even years after you had breast augmentation with either saline or silicone implants...you are NOT alone. You may be suffering from Breast Implant Illness.
I say, 'may', because sometimes the only way to know is if you remove your implants and magically get better as I did. A lot of women get implants and NEVER get sick.
This was not the case for me.
I don't blame the doctors. I don't blame anyone.
The fact is, the poisonous bags suffocating my chest, were MY choice. And, the idea that they can make you sick is certainly not advertised in the medical community.
If anything, getting sick from implants is believed to be the very last thing that can make women sick.
All I know is this...one day I woke up and could no longer walk down the hallway without holding onto the walls.
It would take me a full ten minutes, falling to the ground several times to put my head between my knees, just to make it downstairs to my kitchen.
My entire body hurt. I was out of breath ALL THE TIME. I couldn't even walk around the block without dry heaving or practically fainting on the sidewalk.
No amount of coffee could cure my fatigue. I felt like I was dying.
Sarah with oxygen in 2015
I was 43yrs old.
I had been sick for over a decade.
It wasn't until every organ in my body was compromised that I found out why.
Flashback to 2003, when I got saline implants in a desperate attempt to feel more secure with my body. I was a single Mom and had always been self-conscious of my tiny chest.
Seven hours after my first breast augmentation surgery, I was rushed back into the operating room.
Apparently, I had developed a hematoma the size of a baseball next to my heart.
I should have recognized this botched surgery as a dark omen. I was told by the anesthesiologist that I 'could have died' when I woke up. But, boy oh boy, back then nothing would stop me from having big boobs!
In 2004, my left saline implant ruptured and I had them both replaced with LARGER ones. Yeah, I know. I know...
In 2008, I replaced my 440cc saline implants with 340cc silicone because I was bottoming out and had recently married a man that loved me for me...not my huge chest.
In 2010, I remember feeling a cold, leaking sensation. I sensed something was wrong, so I went to a surgeon to ask about getting my implants removed. She said I would be 'deformed' and 'sunken in' so she advised against it.
I left that office feeling stuck. I wasn't ready to look deformed yet so I kept the toxic, chemical balls inside of me for 6 more years. SIX MORE AGONIZING YEARS.
Oh, how I wished I had just trusted my intuition instead of the 'belief' of one doctor.
In 2011, I went to a deep tissue massage and was literally sick for the next 5 years. Little did I know that my left silicone implant had ruptured (possibly the year before) and had been leaking poisonous silicone into my organs, lymph and blood stream for YEARS.
During this time, I had 3 mammograms that squeezed out even more silicone---causing hard cyst-like lumps everywhere! I know this because I no longer have ANY lumps in my breasts now that the implants are gone.
Here are the diagnosis's and symptoms I had for 5-10 years:
-Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia
-Diagnosed with a Mast Cell Disorder in colon, bladder and stomach
-Symptoms of Relapsing Polychronditis
(Last 2 are VERY rare connective tissue and mast cell diseases)
-Chronic sore throats
-Woke up choking almost every night
-Chronic fatigue
-CHRONIC NAUSEA- imagine feeling like you want to puke for 10 years straight?
-Chronic inflamed lymph nodes (especially on side of left breast and armpit where silicone ruptured)
-Chronic flu-like symptoms
-Chronic POTS (have to constantly put my head between my knees whenever I stood up)
-Chronic joint/muscle pain
-Couldn't exercise or else I became bed ridden
-Chronic pain in both breasts and multiple lymph nodes
-Chronic breathing issues (Was on oxygen at night. Wondering if silicone spread to lungs as well)
-Chronic headaches/migraines
-Hair thinning
-Acne
-Allergies and rashes
-Bells Palsy- effecting left side of face
-EBV virus
-Memory fog (Look at object and can't recall it's name. Forget what I'm doing or where I am going)
-Gastroparesis (stomach doesn't empty properly)
-Massive digestive issues/inflammation
-Fatty pancreas AND liver (normal before implants)
-Abnormal EKG in 2012 (Found out I had a sudden Right Bundle Branch Block out of no where- I will ALWAYS have abnormal EKG's now)
-Extremely low blood pressure
-Interstitial cystitis
Fast forward to September 13, 2016. BEST.DAY.EVER.
Explant day.
I had a full capsulectomy and lift, in addition to explant, to ensure that all of the toxic tissue surrounding my implant pockets was removed. (This is important if you have BII)
I went from a 34DD to a 32C!
My breasts are not deformed. If anything, they are larger than before I got implants and oh so perky!
Ladies, the 'fluffing' process continues months and months after surgery. Don't worry!
I lost 8 pounds of inflammation and LOVE my new, old body. I am a former ballerina and my body remembered my healthy weight prior to my first augmentation.
I have no need for oxygen, don't experience any rare autoimmune disease symptoms, have no pain and no need for dozens of doctor's appointments.
If it wasn't for removal, I would not have gotten better.
Today, I work out 5 days a week. I dance, I meditate, I swim and I practice Yoga.
I am HEALTHY and living my BEST LIFE!
How could I heal practically overnight if my cause for illness was NOT the implants?
WAS it my implants? YES.
Is it ALWAYS the implants? No.
Sarah "AFTER" in December 2016
Best of all? My husband and family has the old me back. My implants had robbed me of many healthy years of my life. Today, I have reclaimed my power and am ready to take on the world!
Sarah and her husband in July 2017
Sarah with her supportive family in July 2017
Today, I am thankful for this journey. Without this experience, I would not have learned what it meant to TRULY love every inch of my body.
And, I have another life purpose now---to stand by others that are suffering BII.
Your pain is real and I believe you!
Word of advise? Forgive yourself.
Why we choose to change our external bodies is an indivdual choice. We all have our reasons. Hanging on to guilt will not help the healing process. It took me many months to fully heal from my surgery and to detox from all the chemicals.
Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to heal. It took me almost a full year.
From boob jobs to Buddha, I’m grateful for it all. <3
I wrote about WHY I got my breasts augmented if you are interested in the extended version of my journey, but that is a whole other story! Published in the Elephant Journey: My Journey to Enlightenment: From Boob Jobs to Buddha.
**To join an incredible support group for Breast Implant Illness with over twenty thousand members, CLICK HERE.
